I want to be single
This afternoon, I am sitting at a cafe on a bright and sunny day. The hostess remarked on how independent it was for me to carry on my lunch date with a smile even after my date didn't show. There was no blame on the miscommunication for him, we rescheduled, and it became a welcomed solo moment for me. The smile was genuine. I sat down and pulled out my journal and a book and allowed this next hour to be about reading and writing quotes and enjoying this day just as it is.
Many times when I see an attractive person sitting alone, I am immediately responsive to thinking, "What is wrong with their life to have to be alone?" With a second though, shortly after, "Maybe they are lonely." Today, I say to myself, "Wait, maybe they're not."
In all truth, my 30 years on this planet has imposed a great many beautiful and interesting relationships. All of which I yearned so deeply for. In the thick of it all, I may have been damning myself with expectations of fairytale dates and dreams of over-the-top romance. With all the social representation of romance and stability and love that is unfaltering, it seems to jog my mind of what is actually out there. Relationships require trust, work, sacrifice, consideration. All of which I think that I am always ready for. But, I put my mind to rest today. What I am looking for is right here. And then I feel the judgements creeping in when I see someone sitting alone. I decided that I was rewriting that story. And I did. I began to write down the truth of my happy, single lunch date.
While I was sitting and reading, I heard the electrician singing passionately to Fire and Ice while working. He seemed so happy doing his job. Today I remember that this was my choice to be alone. When I give myself this minute to open my eyes a little wider to truth, I can see the light in all trivial but significant things. My heart's desire has been hearing a great many voices about life and romance when you're in your 30's. But, I turned off that voice for a minute. I'm here listening to the man sing, and to read and write, and relish this day with my full joy and open heart. Now, I am recognizing the opportunity to embrace a moment, and to seize it fully with the extent of my own heart. So, I can be present in the growth of my self love. When that time comes for a partner to step into my life, my heart will be big enough with extra space for them to reside within it. I am rebuilding the walls of my heart with my own fortitude, therefore when that time comes to make space for someone it will be easeful. I will just pull up a chair and the lunch table is set. Welcome home, heart. <3